As I was looking through my posts, I realized that I did not have any full posts related to marriage and communication. How I missed that nugget is beyond me. Nevertheless, I have some insights that I would like to share with you.
Communication in any relationship is essential. It is how we let others know what is on our minds. We communicate our needs and wants, hopes and dreams, feelings, and love. It does not always have to be verbal. Today, we communicate face to face, on the phone, via email, with hand signals and signs. There are so many ways to say how you feel, and still so many ways to misinterpret how someone else feels.
In order to be an effective communicator, you must first learn your style of communication. How do you prefer to talk with people? How do you prefer to be addressed? What messages are you sending and receiving with your body language? I am not going to bore you with research on communication styles and techniques. You can read up on those any time.
Once you have learned your communication style, you can then learn your partners. We do not learn this information to use it against them. Rather it is learned to help us work together more effectively. If you know that eye rolls aggravate you, don't do them to anyone else. Likewise, if you know that curse words upset your spouse, don't use them. Communication does not work if everyone keeps silent.
We should not communicate with malicious intent. Take ownership of your feelings and statements by using "I" statements. Express your concerns lovingly and openly. I challenge you to do 2 exercises this week:
1) Spend 10 minutes with your partner in silence. Turn off the phones and the TV. Sit in close proximity to each other and just watch each other. How many times did they blink? Did they appear uncomfortable at any point? Do they cough a lot or twiddle their thumbs? If you can get through 10, you can get through 20, 30, ... The point is, you can learn alot about someone through observation.
2) Spend 20 minutes with your partner in a light discussion. Again, eliminate all distractions and focus on each other. Each person should get 10 minutes of talk time and 10 of listen time. While you are listening, notice the inflections in their voice. What part of the conversation made them smile or frown? Do they sit still or move around in their chair?
After each activity, talk about how you felt with your partner. Challenge each other to continue learning the communication styles that work best for your marriage. From experience, I was able to learn how to fight fair and own my feelings. We work together through a crisis instead of running from it. Our marriage is stronger because we know how and when to talk with each other.
May 06, 2013
May 02, 2013
Humble Submission
Lately I have been hearing people speak from the book of Timothy. Usually when I hear or see a scripture more than once in a week, I have to read it and figure out what God is telling me. This week it is 1 Timothy 2. I have listed the entire chapter w/ my commentary.
"1 I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. 5 For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, 6 who gave himself as a ransom for all people. This has now been witnessed to at the proper time. 7 And for this purpose I was appointed a herald and an apostle—I am telling the truth, I am not lying—and a true and faithful teacher of the Gentiles.
I'm not sure how much more clarity is needed for these verses. The authors are urging us to remember everyone in our prayers. It does not matter your status, skill level, or pedigree. We are to live humble lives and not stir up mischief. Jesus set the example for us to live by. God's word gives us clear instruction in how we are to conduct ourselves each and every day. Why is it still so hard for people to treat others with respect and show love.
8 Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. 9 I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, 10 but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.
I already know this part is going to stomp on some toes. Truth is...the truth speaks for itself. Yes, I am calling a spade a spade. First of all, if you are truly focusing your heart and attention on God, you would not be thinking about everyone else and holding grudges against your brother/sister. You would learn to resolve differences peacefully and quickly. Ephesians 4:26 says "In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,..." How can you really pray and praise God when you mind is focused on revenge or trivial issues. Ask God to release all of the negative emotions from your heart and mind. Allow the Holy Spirit to enter into your heart and change your attitude.
Secondly, women. I don't care how old you are or pretend to be. We are to do things in decency and in order. Our bodies are not on display for the world. We were not created to please the world and showcase our treasure to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Our bodies are the Lord's temple. Yes, you can dress nice in current trends, but still be modest. Skin tight is not always right. I also believe that our beauty comes from within. If you are truly honest with yourself and God, you don't need to hide behind elaborate hair and jewelry or fake plastics. I am not attacking anyone for this nor condemning you if you so choose to live this way. I am only saying that God created you in His image. He took the time to shape and mold you. Why is living up to man's standards more important than God's? I challenge you to go one week without any extras. Seek God and allow His light to shine on you and in you. Adorn yourself with the Holy Spirit, practice good deeds and see yourself as nothing but a beautiful creation.
11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety."
Obviously times have changed since this passage was originally written. Today women are dominating fields and working just (if not more than) as hard as their male counterparts. Factor in the divorce rate, teen pregnancy, unwed parents, independence, incarceration rates, unplanned pregnancies, etc. women have assumed many authority roles that were once held by men. I still believe that a woman should not have authority over a man. The order of submission was established for a reason. Women are considered the weaker vessel. Eve fell to temptation before Adam. We were created to be help mates, serve in humility, give and receive love, and live holy.
I find that by being submissive to my husband, I am able to learn him better. I can observe and look at the situation more objectively. Yes my emotions get me caught up and I too loose focus of my purpose. That is why we have a Comforter to guide us. Living as a submissive woman in the 21st century is not easy. It takes patience, understanding, compassion, restraint, and a whole lot of prayer. But it is possible.
Finally, verse 15 is in reference to Eve's transgression. It is also a lesson for us. It not the physical act of childbearing that will save us, but the sacrificial act of releasing control and giving yourself to a higher power. This life is not easy. Sometimes we have to let our guard down so that something great can be birthed from within us. The end result is not always a child, but the sacrifice of God's child makes all things possible.
"1 I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. 5 For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, 6 who gave himself as a ransom for all people. This has now been witnessed to at the proper time. 7 And for this purpose I was appointed a herald and an apostle—I am telling the truth, I am not lying—and a true and faithful teacher of the Gentiles.
I'm not sure how much more clarity is needed for these verses. The authors are urging us to remember everyone in our prayers. It does not matter your status, skill level, or pedigree. We are to live humble lives and not stir up mischief. Jesus set the example for us to live by. God's word gives us clear instruction in how we are to conduct ourselves each and every day. Why is it still so hard for people to treat others with respect and show love.
8 Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. 9 I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, 10 but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.
I already know this part is going to stomp on some toes. Truth is...the truth speaks for itself. Yes, I am calling a spade a spade. First of all, if you are truly focusing your heart and attention on God, you would not be thinking about everyone else and holding grudges against your brother/sister. You would learn to resolve differences peacefully and quickly. Ephesians 4:26 says "In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,..." How can you really pray and praise God when you mind is focused on revenge or trivial issues. Ask God to release all of the negative emotions from your heart and mind. Allow the Holy Spirit to enter into your heart and change your attitude.
Secondly, women. I don't care how old you are or pretend to be. We are to do things in decency and in order. Our bodies are not on display for the world. We were not created to please the world and showcase our treasure to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Our bodies are the Lord's temple. Yes, you can dress nice in current trends, but still be modest. Skin tight is not always right. I also believe that our beauty comes from within. If you are truly honest with yourself and God, you don't need to hide behind elaborate hair and jewelry or fake plastics. I am not attacking anyone for this nor condemning you if you so choose to live this way. I am only saying that God created you in His image. He took the time to shape and mold you. Why is living up to man's standards more important than God's? I challenge you to go one week without any extras. Seek God and allow His light to shine on you and in you. Adorn yourself with the Holy Spirit, practice good deeds and see yourself as nothing but a beautiful creation.
11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety."
Obviously times have changed since this passage was originally written. Today women are dominating fields and working just (if not more than) as hard as their male counterparts. Factor in the divorce rate, teen pregnancy, unwed parents, independence, incarceration rates, unplanned pregnancies, etc. women have assumed many authority roles that were once held by men. I still believe that a woman should not have authority over a man. The order of submission was established for a reason. Women are considered the weaker vessel. Eve fell to temptation before Adam. We were created to be help mates, serve in humility, give and receive love, and live holy.
I find that by being submissive to my husband, I am able to learn him better. I can observe and look at the situation more objectively. Yes my emotions get me caught up and I too loose focus of my purpose. That is why we have a Comforter to guide us. Living as a submissive woman in the 21st century is not easy. It takes patience, understanding, compassion, restraint, and a whole lot of prayer. But it is possible.
Finally, verse 15 is in reference to Eve's transgression. It is also a lesson for us. It not the physical act of childbearing that will save us, but the sacrificial act of releasing control and giving yourself to a higher power. This life is not easy. Sometimes we have to let our guard down so that something great can be birthed from within us. The end result is not always a child, but the sacrifice of God's child makes all things possible.
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